the truth about being back home

dear exchange year

where did the time go? so many times back then, when i wanted to be back home and was so sad, thought i missed out on all the things that actually didn't happen. to all those times, i'm sorry, it's not worth thinking about this when you actually have the time of your life. you're in piece, nobody is bothering you and you live your life to the fullest, this is what all of this is about.

this past year i learned all the more about being independent and doing what is right for myself, for my soul and body. all the minutes i spent alone at home, all these minutes are the ones which teach us the most. sometimes you are alone and that is fine and it's what made me as a person stronger. every exchange year is unique and different and just because mine wasn't like my friend's, it's not stressing me because i used my time wisely and made progress. my own progress. expectations weren't fulfilled and don't be scared when you leave your home to get to know something new, and something that you didn't expect, it is fine. it is fine to be sad, it is fine to miss home and people and places, but you will learn to forget about all these things and to fit in wherever you belong. you as a person grew more in the last 10 months than anybody back home did. and they will tell you, you didn't change at all, you are still the same person and you will feel really appalled but they won't understand.

you changed.

in august this adventure started and now, june, i'm writing about how it all ended and how i am back. how i had to leave home to go home, how i had to leave everything behind that i built up and that i started to love so much. how this year changed me, my soul and how i see things and people. i can see the bigger picture now. bittersweet. how people ask me all the time if i get settled again and if i had a good year? i don't judge them but i also kinda do. how can you ask something and can't think about the answer. if i had a good year? of course but not always, it isn't a yes or a no, there is so much more behind it and even if i would start explaining they would either don't understand or not care. so i'm not going to waste my time and just say yes. it is the easy way, it is the thing they wanna hear.

i miss the place where i was almost always happy and where i could be myself. i want to be myself back here too but it is a lot harder. because people judge. and i know i grew a lot and not all the things which bothered me before are still here but some are and it is so much easier if you can ignore them.

you will never be completely home again because part of your heart will always be elsewhere, even if your year wasn't how they first told it to be. you will love it as your home and you will miss it like hell and honestly i'm not sure if it's ever gonna get a lot better. you will be in a cultural shock, i was in a bigger shock being back than when i first left. take your time and situation for situation, live in the moment and try to be the person you got to love in the last months, the person that you saw in yourself, the person you became. you will miss every single thing but you are back now, back in reality and there is no going back anyways and that is the truth about being back home friends.

Kommentare

Beliebte Posts aus diesem Blog

7 months down

five months down

CALIFORNIA